The Force of the Horse

R.T.’s Original “Wrangler Iced Tea” – Nectar of the Gods

Comic Relief by R.T. Fitch – Author of “Straight from the Horse’s Heart” – (You asked for it, You got it)

The Horseman’s drink that puts the “Giddy-up” into the Summertime Doldrums

R.T. (left) and Anonymous friend testing a new batch of Iced Tea, several times - Photo by another Anonymous friend

MAGNOLIA, TX – (SFHH)  It’s 3 PM and you have just finished that last section of fencing in the back pasture.  Of course you are a little worn out due to all of the help you had with the horses leaning over your shoulder trying to see what you were doing and ole Mother Nature didn’t come to your rescue with even one stinking cloud or a breath of air movement, but you still got the job done and with that comes a stunning sense of accomplishment.

But alias, there is no one there to slap you on the back and say “job well done” so it looks like it’s up to you to tip your sweat-soaked straw hat to your shadow on the parched ground and say “Good job” and simulate patting yourself on the back.  It’s time for a break, it’s time for a reward so what do you reach for?  A Wrangler Iced Tea, of course, the adult thirst quenching beverage of choice for hard working cowgirls and cowboys who have just plain “had it” with beer of any flavor.  Wrangler Iced Tea cools your jets while rejuvenating your “get go”.  Ahhh…it’s like falling off a mountain waterfall into a giant pool of pure relaxation and rejuvenation.  Move over Ponce DeLeon, we have done found the Fountain of Youth.

Can’t find Wrangler Iced Tea in your local feed or tack store, then this is you lucky day as the original Mixologist and Lead Stall Mucker of Laughing Horse Farm, author R.T. Fitch, has agreed to share the recipe with you, our readers, as an act of kindness from one horse lover to another.  Ain’t that sweet.

Horses enjoy Wrangler Iced Tea, too - Even without the ice

“Well shoot, there’s not much to it”, said R.T. during a recent interview, “it’s pretty simple, actually.  I owe most of the success of the recipe to the horses out there, particularly the little Brasilaro, Apache.”

Reporter:, “The horses, what did the horses have to do with it?”

“Well, back when we lived in Louisiana for a while, ole Apache developed a cough one summer.  Scared the daylights out of my wife, Terry, thought it was something serious.  She called the vet and he rushed over and declared that Apache had COPD and that we would have to stall him all day and put fans on him and blah, blah, blah.  That is no life for a horse and I knew he didn’t have COPD.  I felt that he was allergic to that Louisiana grass or whatever was growing amongst it.  So I called my ole buddy Jerry Finch, pres of Habitat for Horses and one fine horse medic.

Ole Jer said that I might not believe it,  but he had found that one of his horses responded very well to a rather common elixir that could be purchased at almost any convenience store

“And what would that be?”

“Bock Beer, particularly Shiner Bock as Apache had lived in Texas, after coming from Brazil, and he owed it to his former adopted state.  Jerry also was rather emphatic about ensuring that we stick to Bock and Bock alone…’Don’t be given him any of the light or malt stuff’, Jerry had said, ‘It’s got to be Bock or it won’t work”, so we tried it.

“Did it work?”

“Course it did, but not as quickly as I would have liked it to.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I got into the habit of hanging out in the barn to ensure that Apache would eat his dinner with one bottle of Shiner Bock mixed in, and of course, I couldn’t let the remaining five get hot so, you know….”

“Yes, I know”

“But it was not working quickly enough although Apache did show a new and invigorated interest in his dinner.  So I began to experiment with other beverages, things that the horses liked.  Coming from Brazil, I already knew that Apache and the rest of the horse gang liked beer but if I was going to concoct something that I could share with the horses it would be advantageous to come up with something that I would like, too, and that is how Wrangler Iced Tea was born.”

“Can you be more specific?”

Warning: Do not serve Wranger Iced Tea to underage horses, they may end up acting goofyer than they normaly do.

“O-Tay, the horses always liked to take sips of Terry’s ice tea when she would be in the barn or out in the pastures, and I could hardly keep them out of my vodka martinis so…one evening, I was out in the barn working and sweating away.  Harley had already stolen the olive out of my martini (which to his surprise was stuffed with a Habanera pepper) and Terry came out to see me.  I was parched and my martini was almost empty (my idea of a martini is vodka, on the rocks, in an Old Fashion glass).  So Terry poured some of her ice tea atop my vodka and presto chango, Wrangler Iced Tea was born.”

“Sounds pretty simple”

“It’s not so much simple but the fact that it is user friendly that makes the drink a real winner for those thirsty ranch hands.  In our part of the country I mix 1 part (regional) Community Ice Tea with 1 part vodka, large amounts of ice cubes and a lemon slice…mmmmmm, good.  The tea is tart and gives the vodka both flavor and a caffeine punch while the cubes keep it cold without diluting it like crushed ice does.”

“Sounds like you have it all figured out.”

“But of course, and now we are experimenting with the new flavors offered from Lipton’s Tea like their Citrus and Raspberry flavored Green Tea.  Imagine, an adult beverage that is actually good for you.  And by juggling the mixed quantities you can make it either ‘Manly’ or ‘FuFu’ that’s the beauty of it.”

“But back to the horses, how did it help with the horses?”

“We are not real sure, it didn’t completely get rid of Apache’s cough but we are becoming suspect that he gives a cough or two, on occasion, just so that he can get his medicine.”

“What gives you that idea?”

“Well, only when we are out where he knows that we can see and hear him he will sort of clear his throat and then run to the barn.”

“So, it might mean that he wants to fed.”

“True enough, but it’s what he does next that sort of gives him away.”

“What’s that?”

“He looks back at us and giggles.”

And there you have it, folks, straight from the Horse Listener’s mouth.  If Wrangler Iced Tea doesn’t refresh, sooth and light you up, all at the same time, then nothing will.

R.T. wanted us to add one more thing, they are currently in negotiations to have the beverage bottled and distributed by a well known, national bottling company while also in talks with Home Depot for bottling it under their label as an effective and aromatic paint and varnish remover.  Things are looking up for the Fitch’s.


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16 replies »

  1. Well dang – none of my buds come complete with lit signage like yours. They usually stop after the lit part. ‘Specially at another of our old Kentucky slurp n’ burps.


  2. Ahh… sounds wonderful. Will try it on the next hot day in Montana… which maybe July 4th! 🙂 (It’s snowing right now) Thanks RT!


  3. We have a burro cross from the trading post must have had quite a cough cuz he sure do like his brews. Good one RT, ahhhhhh the reward for work well done.


  4. Do the goofy hats, lei’s and anonymous friends come with the drink before or after imbibing? Looks like it would be worth the price of admission and Terry and R.T. should sell tickets. (new fundraiser for HfH/Jerry!!!!…come to Laughing Horse Ranch and do just that!)


  5. Love this story!

    I used to groom a fiery sorrel King ranch QH named Red. He liked a bottle of Guinness now and then–straight up. By that I mean, he held the bottle between his front teeth and chugged it. I was uneasy about the glass, but his owners weren’t.

    Red was also easy to teach to crap in a bucket.


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