Equine Rescue

I love you so…

written by R.T. Fitch, author of  Straight from the Horse’s Heart

(Today I was browsing through the message board of Habitat for Horses where founder, Jerry Finch, often leaves a literary morsel or two for sharing and introspection.  I came upon this small piece and was prepared to enter it here when I realized that it was actually something that I had written, years ago, and my good friend, Jerry, thought enough of it and me to save it and then share it with the membership.  I was touched to tears as I had not only lost it but had forgotten about it yet my brother in spirit brought it back as if it were a precious gift…and I thank him from the bottom of my heart – R.T.)

‘She has tears streaming from her eyes. Her mouth is twisted into a half frown.
I have never seen this sort of expression on her before. She always smiles when she is near me, the corners of her mouth turned upwards. This new expression brings me pain as I can feel her hurting and I do not want that to be so.

She has been my friend and provider, I do not want her to be unhappy. I can not understand why she is unhappy now. This should be a happy time, yet she is so sad. She should be glad for me, glad that the pain is slipping away. She should be excited that I can hear the herd calling me from across the bridge.

My soul is feeling young again and I am so anxious to move on. She should know these things…her heart should be happy for me. I love her so.’

The old gelding lay in the stall, his head resting on her lap while she gently
stroked the side of his face and gazed into his big brown eye.

‘I love you so for all you have done and for being with me now, I love you more than life itself.’

He stared up at her.

‘Thank you, please…thank you for who you are and what you do. You saved me and cared for me when others had turned their backs to me. You fed me when I was starving and comforted me through many illnesses. You are my savior.

I hear my brothers calling me, they are excited that I am coming, but understand that in their calls they are saying thank you to you, also. I have to go and run, run like the wind, run free as I once did many years ago.

Be happy for me.

I am free and you let me go.

It is time.

I love you.

I thank you.

I will always live in your heart.

I will be waiting for you.

I am running…..’

She continued to sooth him and stroke the smooth dark fur on his cheek for quite some time after his breathing had stopped.

She slowly rocked to the gentle rhythm of her sobs.

The others had walked away to give her this private moment.

She leaned forward, closed his eye, gently kissed his cheek and whispered, “I
love you too”.

She carefully slid out from underneath his massive head and gently placed it on the shavings.

She stood for a moment and allowed her eyes to flow over the now quiet body that lay at peace in the stall.

The tears returned, she nodded and spun on one heel to walk away….and from far away she heard a distant whinnying, an echoed call of joy and the thunder of running hooves vibrated within her soul.

She smiled and was at peace, too.
_________________
R.T. Fitch
“May the Horse be with you!”

Habitat for Horses, Inc.
PO Box 213
Hitchcock, TX 77563
409-935-0277

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11 replies »

  1. Great piece…especially for anyone that has ever loved and lost such a magnificent companion. It brought back those memories when we lost Ethan two years ago. Keep up the great work and never stop being a voice for the horses.

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  2. Honestly, there is something rather unnerving about this and I didn’t realize it until Terry got home from the BLM Advisory Board meeting and we had a chance to talk by phone.

    Terry read it on the blog, for the first time, yesterday and even commented on it (above) yet when on the phone with her she asked when that was written. I told her that it was somewhere in the 2004-2005 range, four or five years ago, at least. There was a moment of silence, I could hear her swallow and then a very soft voice, from half way around the world said,

    “That is just what it was like when I was alone with Ethan at the time of his passing, just two years ago, December 4th, 2007. When did Jerry post this?”, she asked.

    “Last week, December 3rd”, I replied.

    And in unison we responded, “On the eve of the two year anniversary of Ethan’s passing.”

    We didn’t say much for a few minutes until I whispered, “The force of the horse…”

    …and she quietly completed my sentence, “…is with us.”

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    • It’s eerie, but this is exactly what happened with me and my beloved friend and partner for 20 years, DJ, when he passed away in 2002. We were in his stall, where he was lying in the shavings, and I was holding his head in my lap. The vet was coming, but he slipped away before she could get there.

      A friend was coming with a backhoe so we could bury DJ in his pasture, but he was delayed for several hours. He was very apologetic, but he needn’t have been. I spent that entire time lying in the shavings with my DJ, my head pressed against his and my arm around his neck. I needed that time with him. I was still shattered, but I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been if I hadn’t had time for our goodbyes.

      I still miss him SO, but I often swear that I see his Spirit in Indy. I have a Native American friend who still believes in the “old ways.” He thinks DJ’s Spirit guided me to Indy and that he hangs around giving Indy tips on how to properly train me. As if Indy needed any help. I think DJ and Indy have a great time ganging up on me.

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  3. I can totally relate, having lost my two seniors last year a meer six weeks apart. My Mustang I had to euthanize at the age of 24 from a twisted colic, I’d had him from a 10 day old orphan. Then my beloved mare, 27 went on her own, I was just glad I was there with her. She had given and taught me so much through our years together (25 of them) and she was always my rock, both always there for me, sharing, loving, so selfless. It nearly killed me to have them both go so close apart and this brings back our last few minutes on Earth together. I miss them so.

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  4. I hope I was not out of line with my previous posts. I have suffered the loss of pets and understand how you feel. I too waited for the vet but it was too late, and started to look for ways to help the animals I care for and to learn more about their health. I am just trying to share my knowledge, hoping that even if it saves just one horse, it was well worth it.
    Scottish veterinarian and author George MacLeod wrote an amazing book about horses: “Treatment of horses by homeopathy” http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/horse.htm

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    • true15- Please don’t worry about being out of line here. Everybody seems to have only best interests at heart. My vet had made several trips to my barn in an attempt to get Token ‘back up and running’. I was in my busy season at work so I sometimes think I may have missed the early signs. I won’t take that on or put any blame on myself. I did the best I could in that situation. He is in a happy place rolling in the hay and dozing in the sunshine. Two of his favorite things. God Bless.

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