By Claire Dorotik, LMFT as published in Equine Therapy
“Horses are individuals who need space and time to work out their relationships…”
Equine photographer Terry Fitch of Wild Horse Freedom Federation with several members of the rescued Fitch herd ~ photo by R.T. Fitch
So often horse owners determine was is right and good for a horse based on what they — the human — may consider good. Sadly, in that process, of, for lack of better terminology, trying to humanize the horse, we forget, that horses, after all got along just fine before we came along. More importantly, we forget that horses need to be horses, allowed to act in ways that are natural to them, not us. Interestingly, this same concept can be applied to the relationships we have with people in our lives.
It happens all the time. We get into relationships and almost without out our awareness, and certainly, without our intent, develop expectations about how the other should act. He/she should call more, return text message rapidly, should make more effort, show more kindness, whatever. Of course, when we do this, it is a set-up situation. We are basing our expectations on what we would consider normal, or natural, just as we might with a horse.
However, do we often stop to ask, Is it really in this person’s nature to do this?, or Am I expecting something from this person that her doesn’t appear to be expecting from himself/herself? If the answer is yes, we could be doing this person quite a disservice.
Here we are, wanting acceptance and love, yet somehow failing to provide it. After all, if we are expecting this person to be different from what he/she really is, aren’t we also failing to accept him/her?
Interestingly, those who specialize in equine behavior weigh in when it comes to the way horse develop relationships. Experts, like, Natalie Waran, senior vice president of the International Society for Equitation Science Council and head of the School of Natural Sciences at Unitec New Zealand, say that the most important thing to remember, is that horses are individuals who need space and time to work out their relationships. She clarifies, “This means doing introductions carefully and providing a new horse with the opportunity to escape.”
When was the last time, you asked that question, Am I giving this person time to work out this relationship?, or Am I giving him/her a chance to escape? This may seem like an odd question, but the reality is, people need to work out their relationships just as horses do, and when we can learn to accept people in their own nature, the less likely we will be to imposition them with our expectations for them.
Whether it be horses or human we choose to engage with, a very important message can be derived from the work of Waran, and equine behavior experts and My Horse University’s online Horse Behavior and Welfare Course, based out of Michigan State University, and that is, just accept those around you, as they are.
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Categories: Horse Health, The Force of the Horse
Straight from the Horse's Heart 
This may also be why human relationships fail..too many conditions placed on them or one person trying to force the other to conform to the way the other… conditional love (humans are notorious for it). Horses are less likely to demand anything from their human companions and therefore are more pleasant to be around. Just like this government is trying to force us to accept the European custom of eating horses..that is not who we are..
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We are a screwed up species of animal and WHO gave us the right to think we are superior to any other creature on this earth?
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You are so right Terri Russell, The Mustangs and the Horses have done so much for us and this Country they to me belong on our Flag the place oF HONOR FOR ALL THEY DO AND CONTINUE TO DO…… They are so essential to our environment, they are essential to ALL wildlife , they grace us with their presence here !!!!! Their worth has been determined thousands of times , this Government has no right legally or Morally to to do anything but protect and preserve them and let them roam free !!!!!
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Humans are being humans and towards horses. They have turned back to being barbaric at the animals expense.
“Tell a gelding, ask a stallion, discuss with a mare…plead with a pony.”
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Hmmm…your quote explains a lot, Night Crawler! I always call our crew ‘ponies’…no wonder I’m always having to plead!!!
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A good reminder, Claire (and R.T.).
A cute quote (and name), Night Crawler!
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There is a trainer who says–the horse always responds to your commands/signals. It may not be the response you expected–but the horse doesn’t know he is “wrong”—you (the human) did not give the right signal to get the right answer. Then we get frustrated and communication breaks down. Gotta learn the horse’s ancient language.
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This article is a good lesson for us all – thank you!
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Common sense too. We need not configure all kinds of devices, for OUR expectations. All animals, human animal too, need space…and especially meeting knew. A good example, the CAT. Most know to introduce a new kitty-kat s-l-o-w-l-y. Very slowly. Puurrrrrr. 🙂
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Parelli has always had the best quote that I can remember. Horses want to be our “partners”. If you want to be around horses, learn to develop a partnership with them. This doesn’t include beating, whipping or any of the “man-handling” techniques that I’ve seen by other people including that down under guy who I can’t stand to watch. Living on the Navajo Reservation, I’m surrounded by a people who are supposed to have been a “horse” culture. But I can tell you that this culture is not above beating their horses on a regular basis if they don’t “behave” in a way they are supposed to. I see it every day, having 5 horses boarded in a place where there are many other horses owned by Navajo! It infuriates me!
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Interesting—my two mares could not be more different, but getting to know the formerly wild one first and learning about horses in the wild helped me have a much better understanding of all the horses. I love visiting them in the pasture and watching them interact with each other.
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