The Force of the Horse

60 Signs You’re Way Past Middle Age

by from his Blog – Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute as published in the Huffington Post

“Okay fellow equine advocates, we are going to think, or maybe laugh, our way out of the box this ‘Feel Good Sunday’ as what I am sharing is NOT Horse/Donkey/Mule related but more ‘human advocate’ centered, instead.

Every morning I look into the mirror and five minutes later, after I attempt to catch my breath from ‘laughing my A** off” (LMAO), I manage to marvel at what is looking back at me from that cursed mirror.  It sure in heck is not ME, but rather some cartoon representation of what I would look like when I get ‘old’ CAUSE I am NOT old.  I feel better than I did when I was 19 and can sure out do, out perform and out think anything I ever did at that age.  So who in God’s creation is that looking out of the mirror at me everyday.  It still baffles me.

And yes, a while back I passed that milestone where 60 was what I thought to be the new 40 or even younger…just seems like yesterday that I thought Playboy bunnies were women and now they, arithmetically could be my granddaughters…..arrrrggghhhhh, life is SO very cruel.

So for those of you who are in about the same age bracket as me, and I know who you are as I have been taking notes, this submission is for you, today.  Either this will be a really, really good and cheery ‘Feel Good Sunday’ or I am going to fall flat on my face.  Let’s find out!” ~ R.T.


“Sixty is the new 40.”

Fake beard and grey hair being applied for a Shakespearean play in 1970...

Fake beard and grey hair being applied for a Shakespearean play in 1970…

It’s a common aphorism we’ve heard for some time now, doubtless meant to calm us baby boomers who are growing so long in the tooth that we now need two hands to hold our toothbrushes. And reassuring it indeed is.

There’s just one problem: it’s a crock. Sixty is not the new 40. Here’s 60 quick reasons why:

1. Somebody who is 60 remembers Betty White when she was middle-aged. To somebody who is 40, Betty White was always 90.

2. Somebody who is 40 does not remember Senor Wences.

3. Somebody who is 40 was born in 1972. You don’t even remember 1972, not only because you were smoking dope most of the time but also because you don’t remember 2013.

4. Somebody who is 40 did not grow up longing to be the fourth Cartwright brother on Bonanza.

No need to fake the beard, now, or the grey.

No need to fake the beard, now, or the grey.

5. Somebody who is 40 would never use the phrase “he looks like Walter Brennan” to describe someone perceived to be old-looking.

6. Somebody who is 60 thinks Coldplay refers to the last time he tried to put the moves on a woman.

7. Somebody who is 60 thinks of John F. Kennedy as part of “the modern era.” To somebody who is 40, John F. Kennedy is as much a part of “the modern era” as somebody who is 60.

8. Somebody who is 40 does not long for Bonomo’s Turkish Taffy.

9) Somebody who is 60 remembers the 1950s. To somebody who is 40, the ’50s refers only to the next decade of their lives, which they are dreading.

10. Somebody who is 40 is not truly feeling the pain that Davy Jones is gone.

11. Somebody who is 40 does not watch the Hallmark Channel. Ever.

12) Do you really think somebody who is 40 would find the concept of identical cousins credible?

13. You take comfort in the fact that you are not old because you never liked Lawrence Welk. Somebody who is 40 thinks you are old because you liked Led Zeppelin.

14. Unlike somebody who is 40, somebody who is 60 does not think Winky Dink is just another cutesy name for you know what!

15. Somebody who is 60 has black and white memories.

16. Somebody who is 40 thinks of Peggy Lipton as an obscure old-time TV actress who is the mother of actress Rashida Jones, not as the hot unobtainable chick sandwiched in between the two no-talented lummoxes on The Mod Squad.

17. Somebody who is 40 may well think Buffalo Bob is a talking buffalo.

18. Somebody who is 40 does not think it is hilarious when you shout out “I want my Maypo!”

19. Somebody who is 40 does not wonder when Steely Dan will update the song Hey Nineteen to Hey Forty-Nine.

20. Somebody who is 40 does not remember Crazy Guggenheim.

21. When somebody who is 40 runs into an old friend, he never hears the word “Grandkids?”

22. “Welcome to our Show for Hunt’s Catsup!” Think somebody who is 40 has the slightest idea what that means, let alone that there ever was a word “catsup?”

23. Somebody who is 40 does not live in terror that one day he will turn on television and see Bob Dylan pop up in a commercial for reverse mortgages.

24. Somebody who is 60 remembers a time when Rob and Laura Petrie were not allowed to sleep in the same bed on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Somebody who is 40 does not bat an eyelash at a naked Steve Buscemi having sex on Boardwalk Empire.

25. Somebody who is 40 does not ever have to be embarrassed that they once bought a Grand Funk Railroad album.

26. You find yourself beginning to use the expression “a young fella.” At least one of the times you have used the expression “a young fella,” you were referring to somebody who is 40.

27. Somebody who is 40 does not remember your President Nixon. Whether or not they remember the bills you have to pay, or even yesterday, is irrelevant.

28. Somebody who is 40 thinks Cher has always been a solo act.

29. When somebody who is 40 says “let’s go to dinner someplace where there’s a young and lively crowd,” they do not feel out-of-place and uncomfortable when they get there.

30. Somebody who is 40 does not wonder why Colgate no longer contains Gardol.

31. Somebody who is 60 remembers when Bob Hope was considered hip.

32. Somebody who is 40 is not even today always ready to start an argument over whether The Doors should have added horns on The Soft Parade.

33. Somebody who is 40 does not remember Topo Gigio.

34. If somebody who is 60 were to hear the words “remember how we used to get out the chains come winter time?” he or she would not think a tale of seasonal kinky sex was about to follow.

35. When somebody who is 40 says “let’s go to dinner someplace where there’s a young and lively crowd,” they do not wind up going to the staid neighborhood restaurant they used to make fun of all the old people going to 15 years ago.

36. Somebody who is 40 is a lot less likely to be upset than somebody who is 60 that Dustin Hoffman, Richard Dreyfus, and Henry Winkler are all playing Jewish grandfathers.

37. Somebody who is 40 does not know or care what Serutan spelled backwards is.

38. Somebody who is 40 does not spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about whether he is more like Beau Bridges than Jeff Bridges.

39) Would you like to trade places with somebody who is 40? Would somebody who is 40 like to trade places with you?

40. Someone who is 60 remembers when Jack Lemmon was young and bouncy.

41. Somebody who is 40 never worries about anybody ever referring to him as “40 years young.”

42. Someone who is 40 has never heard the words, “That’s two down, eight to go, Mr. Cerf.”

43. Check out the response you get when you sing Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh by Allan Sherman to somebody who is 40.

44. Billy Crystal was somebody who is 40 when he made When Harry Met Sally. If Harry were to meet Sally today, the closest he’d get to an orgasm with her would be hearing her fake one in a deli.

45. Do you think somebody who is 40 would ever believe there was once a comedian whose entire act was pretending to be drunk?

46. “There’s a hold-up in the Bronx, Brooklyn’s broken out in fights, there’s a traffic jam in Harlem that’s backed up to Jackson Heights, there’s a scout troop short a child, Khrushchev’s due at Idlewild, Car 54, where are you?” I highly doubt somebody who is 40 could place that one for you.

47. Somebody who is 60 remembers when the expression “sucks” sounded downright dirty, and probably was.

48. Somebody who is 40 does not think Foster the People is a social program under the Obama administration.

49. Somebody who is 40 does not experience a warm twinge of recognition upon hearing the words:

Jane Kean!

Sheila MacRae!!

ARRRRT CARNEEEE!!!

GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!!!!

50. Somebody who is 40 would have no way of knowing that Kukla, Fran, and Ollie is not a law firm.

51. Somebody who is 40 has no idea why anyone would ever send $5 to the Merkle Press.

52. Unlike somebody who is 60, somebody who is 40 is not still trying to figure out how the lyric You’ve got a friend in Jesus ever popped up in a song by a guy named Norman Greenbaum.

53. Being that Carol Channing is a woman and Tatum O’Neal is a woman, somebody who is 60 in all likelihood thinks Channing Tatum is a woman.

54. Somebody who is 40 would have no way of knowing that if Kukla, Fran, and Ollie were a law firm, two of the partners would be puppets.

55. Somebody who is 40 does not think cloud computing has something to do with how many clouds overhead you can count that are shaped like pussycats.

56. Somebody who is 60 is old enough to be the boyhood idol of somebody who is 40, even though it goes without saying you are nobody’s boyhood idol.

57. Somebody who is 60 remembers a time when Charlton Heston was considered a distinguished actor.

58. Unlike somebody who is 60, somebody who is 40 does not feel vaguely hungry for fried eggs when he hears the words “this is your brain on drugs.”

59. You’ve never taken a selfie, and you still don’t know what twerking is.

60. Somebody who is 40 thinks 40 is really old, just as you did once. Now you realize how wrong you were and how wrong they are. They don’t.

So, boomers, I’m afraid it is undeniably true that 60 is not the new 40. But something else is also true: 60 may not be the new 40, but 60 is the new 60.

And you know what?

Maybe that’s even sweeter.

29 replies »

  1. Ha! 🙂 If you think that the ’60s and ’70s were a period of social change like no other, and that will probably never be seen again, you’re probably way past middle age.

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    • HaHa idalupine, don’t forget……You know you’re way past middle age when you go to a protest & have to sit on a bucket cause you can’t stand for a very long period of time any more!

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  2. Life’s Lessons on the Trail at Sixty-Two

    Several summers ago while sitting on my porch sipping a cold one on my 50th birthday I realized that my life was roughly half over. It was one of those watershed moments in my life. I didn’t let it bother me though, the thought passed and I snapped open another cold one in celebration of the day.

    Birthdays help us mark time on the ticking clock we all face. As the calendar ages us, we watch our horses grow and mature. As time goes by we witness the aging of our spouse and life long friends. Likewise, we see our children grow up and hopefully move out.

    We all want to conquer time. When we are young we can’t wait to grow up but when we finally get there we want to somehow slow our aging down. But Old Man Time seems to have his own way with us. Sometime after that thought provoking moment, I decided I needed a new role model to help me move into my later years. Into my life came “Mooch.” A phone call from a dear friend “I have found the perfect horse for you.” Having been around horses most of my life and after raising my three sons, I figured it was time for me to get back to what has always been a big part of my life, horses.

    My first ride was at the age of four and on my very first pony, a coal black Shetland mix by the name of Midnight. He was wonderful. My first ride on an American Saddlebred was at the age of seven. This was the start of my lifelong passion and admiration for this magnificent breed. Many years were spent riding, showing, training, teaching and trail riding. I thank my friend for finding my perfect horse each and every time I go to the barn just to spend time with him.

    I have owned Mooch now for nine years and aging happens to us all. How we approach it can mean the difference between just getting old and growing old. I prefer to grow old and gain wisdom and keep a spirit of adventure.

    Having horses in my life will make it easier.

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  3. You are so right, RT. I especially like #23……would be very upset to see Bob Dylan hacking for reverse mortgages! Don’t get me wrong, I’d never want to be young again but what people forget to tell you is that it might be great to be 60 or older but forget to mention to debilitating pain that sometimes goes along with getting older. My mind still thinks I’m 20 but when I try to act like it, I’m quickly reminded that I’m not! I always so want my actions to be like they were in the 60’s. Unfortunately, they never turn out that way.

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  4. I looked forward to turning 60. It was my “I made it” moment. Those who knew me in my crazy, fearless youth would be surprised to see me as a new member to the club but, I made it. I adore being 60, wouldn’t go back in time if it was offered to me. Good one RT, I had forgotten I remembered some of those things. If you are a 60 yr old woman there’s a good change you had a crush on that hunky cowboy, Rowdy Yates..

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  5. What I hate most is 40 somethings calling you “Honey”, can’t have a morning cup of coffee because then I have to know every bath room stop between home and where ever you are going.
    I remember when John Wayne could park his boots under my bed anytime.
    And oh my God who do I see in the mirror—my mom looking back at me.

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  6. The Grey-Haired Brigade is here…
    The typical U.S. household headed by a person age 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under 35, according to an analysis of census data released Monday. If all of us “old farts” have all of the money, then let us try to elect someone who might be near honest & not be after feathering their own nests.

    They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers &, in some cases, dinosaurs. Some of us are “Baby Boomers” getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days & our eyes & hearing are not what they once were. We have worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God & grown old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, & that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.

    In school we studied English, history, math & science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us w/1st-hand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25-cent gasoline, milk & ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don’t know what an icebox is, today they are electric & referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started w/a crank. Yes, we lived those days.

    We are probably considered old fashioned & out-dated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won WW II, fought in Korea & Viet Nam. We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, & know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country w/pride & lost many friends on the battlefield.

    We didn’t fight for the Socialist States of America; we fought for the “Land of the Free & the Home of the Brave.”

    We wore different uniforms, but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America & America the Beautiful by heart & you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing.
    We have lived what many of you have only read in history books & we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America.

    Yes, we are old & slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, & died for it, & now we are going to save it. It is our country & nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign & domestic & that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

    It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama & the Democratic Congress. You fell for the “Hope & Change” which in reality was nothing but “Hype & Lies.” You have tasted socialism & seen evil face to face, & have found you don’t like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or “Climbing the Social Ladder” to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism & voting.

    Many of those who fell for the “Great Lie” in 2008 & 2012 are now having buyer’s remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn’t have sense enough to see thru the lies & instead drank the ‘Kool-Aid.’ Now you’re paying the price & complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes & less freedom.

    This is what you voted for & this is what you got. We entrusted you w/the Torch of Liberty & you traded it for a paycheck & a fancy house.

    Well, don’t worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, & in 2016 we are going to take back our nation.

    We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we’re going, & in 2016 we’re going to the polls by the millions.

    This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid. It belongs to “We the People” & “We the People” plan to reclaim our land & our freedom.

    We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it & passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, & thank God for the old geezers of the “Grey-Haired Brigade.”

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  7. Yep, youth is no substitute for experience and hard-won wisdom. And we’re not that decrepit yet, are we? We’ve had the benefits of modern medicine (no, not or plastic surgery!) and good health knowledge to make our older years healthy and productive.

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  8. I feel terribly left out…in my 50’s, I missed both ends of this narrative.
    Too young to smoke up in the 70’s, and I missed Disco entirely (well, maybe ‘missed’ is a misnomer…)
    All the Rock Biggies – Hendrix, Morrison, Joplin – died when I was not allowed to listen to the radio. “Lord, Won’t You Buy Me” was heard once or twice on a radio show as a ‘nonsense’ song.
    Having been raised by my very engaged grandparents, I knew Topo Gigio, the Lennon Sisters, the King Family, and sang along with Mitch.
    Walter Cronkite, Fess Parker and Clint Walker were my first crushes (?).
    Couldn’t understand the significance of a Christmas Cease-Fire. Or a story that rolled out of Viet Nam on a day that not a single American Soldier died.
    1968 was a terrible year for me. We had just come back from a tour-of-duty in Turkey, in time to learn of Martin Luther King’s murder and not long after, Bobby Kennedy’s.
    I am in an unfortunate situation where I can somewhat identify with both 40 and 60 year olds, but have absolutely nothing to offer either side. All the ambitions (and self-delusions) of the 40’s, all the aches and pains of the 60’s, yet I feel ‘unqualified’, an outsider, except when in the company of my own people.
    However, there is some solace to be found in the company of my teenaged grandchildren: They know I’ll listen to just about anything on the radio now (my rebelliousness at being denied access when it mattered) and we have a common adversary – The Parents.

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    • Lisa I totally hear you. I’m closer to 60 than 50. I knew some and missed a whole bunch of others. I remember hearing about this war in Vietnam and then hearing this name several years later. I had to ask my parents if this was the same war I had known about a few years earlier.

      I remember telling my parents that the two countries should have a chess game. Winner wins the war. Loser goes home and they do whatever. It seemed like it would be a while lot less muss and fuss. People wouldn’t die and soldiers wouldn’t come home missing body parts.

      I’m older now. And war confuses me as much today as it did back then. Humans are violent. Probably the most enlightened thing I learned is that war doesn’t accomplish anything.

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      • I too am closer to 60. I was pretty young, but aware of alot going on around me, musically, and socially. I didn’t quite understand all of it, but I think we were better young people then, as compared to now.

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  9. I’m actually in my mid-50s, but we had some of the best music ever too, didn’t we? I just heard that Paul Revere of Paul Revere and the Raiders passed away. RIP Paul.

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  10. Another sign that you’re getting older is…
    Many so called experts, decision makers and “important” people are all so much younger than you, that you can easily visualize them still in diapers, therefore….
    you are not easily impressed with their importance.
    They first have to prove their worth before you will give them any of your valuable time…which is going by faster now that you’re older.

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    • Right Louie! The whole diaper visualizing thing certainly reduces if not erases their importance. And it takes quite a lot to prove their worth! Having a younger person treat me as unimportant (which happens) just goes to prove how ignorant they are. I really enjoy younger people who make me feel comfortable with them – there are some of them out there – seems more of them are horse people!

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