Food Network’s Pioneer Woman Show Smells Like…???

article by Jillian Madison reprinted from Food Network Humor

“I can see my wild horses from my kitchen window”

“We attempt to give you something on Sundays to recharge your batteries and have been remiss over the past few weeks as there just has not been that much in the way of great news to relate and we sincerely do not want to blur the focus we are attempting to keep before our readership regarding our efforts to stop the inhumanity of the BLM’s handling of our wild horses.  But today we have a little comedy piece that ties in nicely with the great article published earlier this week by investigative reporter Debra Coffey.  If you have yet to read it, please click (HERE) to do so.

The entry below continues the saga of Ree Drummond, self-proclaimed Pioneer Woman and rolling in dough contractor for the BLM as she and her husband own one of the wild horse death camps where gender separated herds, cruely stripped from their rightful lands, simply live out their lives waiting to be either sold off to slaughter (covertly of course) or to simply die without family or social structure.  Sick, twisted and totally off the wall, this practice is being highlighted as something good and “cool”.  So today, grab a giggle and make a few notes as we have a busy week ahead of us and the horses are going to need the help of each and every one of you, big time.  Thanks Deb and Jillian!  Oh, this article is for big kids only.” ~ R.T.

I specifically went in to the premiere episode of Pioneer Woman knowing nothing about Ree Drummond or her family or her sprawling ranch. I didn’t want to be influenced by the alleged throngs of blog-readers who have her placed atop some high pedestal. I wanted to form my own unbiased opinion of her and the show, which I most certainly did. And my opinion is this: WOW. IT SUCKED.

I mean it really, really sucked.

I will say from the 22-minutes of footage I saw, Ree seems like a lovely woman. She really does. However, I think it was Yoda who said: a lovely woman does not a good show make.

SUCK POINT #1: THE INHERENT PHONINESS

The lodge. The ranch. The shots of people wrangling animals. The “our life is so hard because we’re the only people on the universe who have to get up at 5 AM” mentality. The “let me serve my man breakfast while he’s herding cows” bullshit. The useless footage of a cute little boy running to get his little cowboy hat. The whole thing tried way too hard. It was way too overproduced and schticky. It was all so nauseatingly phony and sickeningly sweet that it quickly became annoying and intolerable to watch.

Also, on what planet is it appropriate – or even encouraged – to wear your cowboy hat to dinner? I guess only on Food Network, where they’re really trying to drive the point home that they LIVE ON A RANCH.

SUCK POINT #2: THE FOOD & THE TIPS

As mentioned above, Ree made a “special” dinner for her husband because the poor guy had to get up at 5 AM to go to work. As someone who watched her dad get up at 4 am every day for 20 years to then drive 20 minutes to a train station to then take a 2 hour train to NYC, color me unimpressed with her cowboy’s 5am-2pm workday.

Anyway, Ree made a very “special” dinner consisting of country fried steak and mashed potatoes. And by “special” I mean “enough fat and grease to kill a grown man standing.” Oh yeah. Move over, Paula Deen.

Every time Ree said “ball-SAM-ic” vinegar, a little piece of me died. The lecture about only using whole milk to make gravy was painful. The quip about kings and presidents not being able to find her ranch was intolerable. But the worst part came when she awkwardly paused her gravy-making and said: “Shhh, do you hear that?” Yes, I do. It’s the sound of your metal whisk rubbing against your metal cast-iron pan AND IT IS MADDENING.

SUCK POINT #3: THE DOUCHEBAG HUSBAND

Food Network’s website describes Ree’s husband as a “hunky rancher.” I describe him as “a total d-bag.” Maybe it was the editing… maybe it was nerves… but he came off as a pretentious, smug, selfish, disparaging prick. When he came into the kitchen to the chorus of kids screaming “daddy! daddy!” he didn’t acknowledge them. Or Ree. He simply said, “Is that our food?”

And (and!) he wore those disgusting, filthy, manure-laden cowboy boots in the house without a care. No worries. I suppose one of the 92 maids will clean it up.

I don’t plan on tuning in to this show again. I hate phoniness, and unfortunately, the Pioneer Woman reeks of it.

The worst part? It was all so completely unrelatable. I didn’t watch her cook and say: “wow, I need to make this for my family.” I watched her and said, “wow, this woman and I have absolutely nothing in common, and if I served my friends/family any of those dishes they would disown me. ”

It wasn’t ALL a waste, though. I did take one interesting little fact away:

Find out more about Jillian Madison by clicking (HERE)

47 comments on “Food Network’s Pioneer Woman Show Smells Like…???

  1. LOL Debbie thanks for the Sunday giggle. I started blogging at the beginning of 2007 with a “Photo A Day” blog and ran across her when she was just getting started up. I also thought “WOW this poor woman really has a formula to make her blog work I wish I could tap into some of it and make mine work too, I wonder how she get the sponsorship she has?”. Well she has a high priced marketing company working for her, that’s how, and a family who is worth mega bucks! It was only years later that I started learning about the plight of our mustangs and started looking at her harder, I even asked her a question or two on her blog in the comments about the horses and never got a response from her. Of course now I know why. I hate the fact that she has actually made MORE MONEY off of OUR mustangs that we are allowed NO ACCESS to. Makes me wish the 4th July was still coming so we could all arrive on their doorstep for their open house parties that she brags about. What a crock! I will be in touch soon.

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    • hi Lori, it was RT who brought you this Sunday giggle and posted this article, but I’ve added a couple of funny links in the comment section.

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  2. RT featured Jillian Madison re: Ree Drummond (aka “Pioneer Woman”…..that cooks like a person in the 1820s and government teat sucker extraordinaire).

    Debbie Coffey did another piece featured on SFTHH.

    Jillian’s is a hoot!

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    • The colorful and prolific blog did not translate into a show. Neither did Ree and family. What a relief. This lifestyle is dying and needs to be allowed to go quietly.

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    • Denise, on the frontier in the 1820’s, she’d have been baking in a cast-iron stove, and checking the temp by opening the door and sticking her arm in. You determine the temp by how long you can keep it there. My sis in Maine became a cast-iron pro after a few unfortunate “hair singeing” incidents.

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      • Very true (and funny). I love cast iron, but you have to be reasonably intelligent to operate cast iron anything. I like the pots and pans because (1) the way they conduct heat (better than All-Clad {but US based also and great cookware}); and, (2) MADE IN THE USA!!!!!!

        As to 1820s, in reality Mizzz Pioneer wouldn’t be eating that way either. I bet she winds up on RFD-TV. They eat that poop up…literally.

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  3. Yes, this a real hoot! She was on Good Morning America the other morning promoting her NEW SHOW..When I heard Pioneer Woman my ears picked up and I wanted to see what it was all about. It was just more of the same. I don’t know about you, but it sure seems she’s all about herself..Your right she doesn’t hold a candle to Paula Dean and man Paula cooks with the butter. I don’t think that you could eat too many of those meals before your main artery would be clogged like a sewer. Well, I guess I shouldn’t be so critical, I bet they
    are very good entres…Phonies, Phonies, and they have our Ponies!!! God Bless America and our Magnificent Wild Horses and Burros!!! I love Sundays it is our day of rest (haha- too bad the trees need trimming and the lawn still needs to be mowed). Time is awastn’…

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  4. Here’s another very funny site about The Pioneer Woman:
    http://www.thepioneerwomansux.com/

    You can see her appearance on the Good Morning America show, where she’s bar-b-q-ing in a top with long flowing sleeves, and the grill catches on fire.

    And if you scroll down a bit, you can read an article related to the article I wrote. I thought a lot of the other articles were pretty funny (and the right hand side), so go ahead and read some older posts, too.

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  5. It looks like our wild horses have been used in Ree Drummond’s promo of her cooking show in the video clip on this link:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/26/ree-drummond-pioneer-woman-food-network_n_937724.html

    Do we have to get an agent for our wild horses so we can deduct from the amount of our tax dollars paid to Drummond Land and Cattle, since the Drummonds are allowing our wild horses to be used for their commercial promotions?

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    • I’m only interested in how these “folksie’s” are so special to slurp up the contracts in the first place.

      As to the sleeves…well, I could say “flame on”! But it is funny with a ton of stupid. And they are in CHARGE of protecting anything scares the cr*p out of me.

      p.s. pleas take the time to watch Darth Vader’s book interviews (Cheney)…look in the background and witness the bronze of horse and rider screaming away from Mr. Cheney. (I thought it was hysterical for many reasons).

      RT? You should have a still with that image and have a contest to give narrative to the horse and rider in the background of Cheney (a major figure in reckless extraction and me first cr*ptilalism). I found it ironic.

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      • These people are just so cattle oriented and good old boy ambassadors it is easy to see why BLM would help them get rich on the side with our wild ones.
        Reward the mentality. Remember they have to load up horses when they have been purchased and show no favoritism to any. Load the truck and they are gone. Forever. It is sickening.

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    • I couldn’t finish watching it! The fire was shooting up behind her and she just does not hold my attention. She is Not the Martha Stewart of the BLM… that was too good for her! mar

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      • I couldn’t finish watching it either. OMG she is a complete idiot with a voice like nails on a chalkboard.

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  6. There are more than enough shows where the “have nots” get to watch the life style of the “haves”. What is with this”? Escapism? There are so many people who don’t even have jobs and are desperately trying to just hold on. The best answer to the networks is to just switch channels or turn the TV off.

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  7. Laura, it would all be funny if it wasn’t so tragic. You, being an artist, would recognize the two faces of drama and comedy….what is that called?

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  8. Laura:

    That point (s?) are not lost on anyone here. But Jillian’s piece is funny.

    BTW, with the droughts in that area (TX, OK, etc) cattlemen are dumping cattle. If you eat meat, stock up and freeze because prices will drop and then go up. If you warehouse wild equines from DOI/USDA (which means you probably do cattle), you are sitting in tall, feedbag corn, money generating revenue while your less “connected” producers (especially little guys) are looking at economic wipeouts. This is disgusting.

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    • YEP!…they could even seize at the international borders if they wanted to check brands; assuming they are branding ALL wild equines during roundups…which is another issue.

      Holding doesn’t mean ownership, but the foals seem to be in some wierd no-man’s land.

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  9. Ethos.

    Here is a quote from Horseback Magazine. Wonder if her income may have been supplemented by sellling horses off her ranch.

    The U.S. attorney will handle the investigation into circumstances that led authorities to find and seize 64 wild horses from a well known Utah based kill buyer, Dennis Kunz. The horses were supposed to be in an Oklahoma holding facility. Yet, they were found in the custody of Kunz en route apparently to slaughter in a cattle truck.

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  10. When I first read the article (Funny!), I noticed, but failed to fully take in the photo of the he-man cowpoke and his rotund cowwoman. It later occured to me that I wasn’ reallyt sure what was happening in that photo, so I went back to study it more thoroughly. After a great amount of study, research of pioneer practices, and the photographer’s expert lighting and angles, I finally have the answer for those who wondered with me: The Pioneer Woman is simply preparing to perform a long-held western tradition- blowing zerberts on the tummy of a bellowing, trussed up baby calf! Now we know what those western hero types really do with their free time- when they’re not shooting off fireworks at OUR wild horses.

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  11. Spot on review!
    (and I used to read the PW blog for a while. Now I go to Smitten Kitchen which has much better recipes, cooked in a tiny kitchen with no help).

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  12. LOL The show definitely has a high ‘cheese’ factor. I’ll disagree about the food though – I’ve made a few of the recipes and they’re actually quite good. I especially liked her lemon-blueberry pancakes. The show does need to take it down a notch. 🙂

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  13. I found this site while searching online to see if eveyone else thought her showed sucked as much as I did and ta-da. They do. I have watched it a couple times thinking maybe it was nerves or that it wasn’t as stupid as the first time, but it continues to underwhelme. The food is just fattening crap like Paula Deen’s. And I love your site, I had no idea that Ree Drummond’s farm was into all this. Thanks for the head’s up!

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  14. I have never seen/heard such ignorant comments from people in my whole entire life!!! If you dont like the show dont watch it!!!! As far as the wild horses, yes they are compensated for taking them in. But they have to buy hay and a protein (cake) out of that money. If people did not take these horses in they would either starve or be killed. Why you ask? Because people have taken over there land to build houses, towns, motels for others. And to the lady who said this way of life should die out, I truly feel sorry for you. NO beef, milk, pork, bread, pasta or vegitables. I wonder how you would feed yourself or your family. Maybe it would be survival of the fittest!

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    • If you really believe the Drummonds took wild horses so they wouldnt ‘be killed’ you also believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. Horses will go to slaughter and the millionaire Drummonds will $$$$$ profit.

      And believe it, I wont be watching this show because unlike you I never liked the 1950’s where women were expected to suck up to men as a part of their daily routine.

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  15. My thoughts exactly! I know your post is years old now but we only just got this show on FN Canada. I had visions of this show featuring a rustic, back to the earth life, the life of a pioneer. Homegrown organic foods (not chemicals back then) and healthy small portions ( cause food was meant to keep one nourished and alive, not to fill you so much that it hurt. Instead I got a rich woman in an urban style kitchen feeding her family the WORST food for them imaginable. Cheese and meat fat and more cheese. I expected at least the chicken to be farm raised but no, it was in a styrofoam container. Farmers in clean pink shirts after a morning of fencing? The fakeness of it was too much and does the real small farmers, organic farmers, who are rarely clean and DO take their boots off in the house, do not own a cowboy hat, discredit.

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  16. I enjoyed
    Ree s show. I detect a whole lot of envy and maliciousnous on the part of the author. I found it refreshing to find a cooking show that incorperates the whole family into it and chef actually knows how to cook something from scratch. Not out of a box. Instead of ripping Ree to shreds why dont you pull in those claws and do something nice for someone.

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    • Well, it sounds like the author talks about how Ree ‘incorperates’ a lot of fat in her cooking technique, so that’s a fair review in my opinion.

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  17. I totally agree. I spotted her for the fake she is in no time! I wondered if other people realized what a fake she is and now I know. I had no idea that she and her d bag husband were making money warehousing our poor mustangs who have been ripped away from their home ranges and families. The plight of the mustangs is just so heartbreaking and to think this no talent fake has a part in warehousing them enrages me even more. I despise everything about this woman and her creepy husband.

    Btw, I’d say he’s far from the “stud” she likes to brag about him being!

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  18. I agree.. Watched her show for the first time. She’s annoyingly sarcastic, and I the the way she calls her husband “daddy”. The fatty ingredients depicted in her mashed potatoes made me want to barf.

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