Horse Slaughter

4 Ways Horse Meat Proves a Zombie Apocalypse Can Happen

Source: by Josh Hrala as published in Cracked.com

“Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself, this was far too good not to share” ~ R.T.

Zombie HorseBad news, horse and food fans — European burger processing plants have been combining your two favorite things and calling it “beef.” And don’t start bragging about your superior beef industry, America — despite increased scrutiny over imported beef, it is still entirely possible for a dead horse to sneak into your hamburger at some point, and when it does, it will bring a world-ending zombie outbreak with it.

What’s that? You have no idea how horse meat and a zombie wasteland could possibly be related? Well, keep reading.

#4. They Both Started With Corporations

In Resident Evil, the Umbrella Corporation created the zombie virus as a weapon in biological warfare. The virus then spread to the outside world because of lab failures and experiments gone wrong. In the case of the horse meat scandal, there are multiple corporations implicated, and all of them are pointing their slimy fingers at third-party meat suppliers. But it’s really the same story: A big company with lots of loose strands releases some bad meat/zombie-inducing pathogens into the world. And in both cases, all an outbreak would really require is one dubious employee at the right level of infrastructure to go lip-wigglingly bananas.

#3. The Contamination Spread Through Crappy “Restaurants”

n Zombieland, one of the first things we learn is that patient zero (the person who started the outbreak) got the undead-itis from eating a gas station burger contaminated with mad cow disease, presumably before he or she could succumb to the hepatitis normally associated with meat you buy at a gas station.

Meanwhile, in the horse meat saga, it turns out IKEA was selling Swedish meatballs to their customers that were supposed to be beef and pork but were actually the ground-up birthday wishes of heartbroken little girls. Then, we found out that horseflesh was also being served at British Taco Bells, which is actually better than the fingernails and roach husks they normally serve.

So, terrible food bought from less-than-reputable places (at least from a food service standpoint) can easily carry some kind of pathogen and go undetected. Let’s say Banana Sandwich, our crazy employee from the previous entry, inserts the G-virus into some horse meat and sends it out the door. It could pass through IKEA and Taco Bell even more quickly than Taco Bell typically passes through a person, spreading like wildfire among citizens who care about their health just enough to buy food from a pretend Mexican restaurant and a furniture store.

#2. We Can’t Stop the Contamination

In films like Zombieland, Day of the Dead, and Resident Evil, we never see the zombie contamination effectively contained in any way. We just see Woody Harrelson bludgeoning ghouls with a banjo, and he can’t be expected to be available 24/7. The bottom line is, it’s difficult to contain something if you don’t even know where and how it started.

And after two months, nobody has one damn idea where the horse meat scourge came from. One Swedish food manufacturer blamed their supplier after discovering that their frozen lasagnas were 100 percent horse meat, but even the suppliers have suppliers, and good luck getting any of those guys to come forward. We’ll have to either wait for the ghosts of the slaughtered horses to materialize and point their hooves toward the source of the mystery or get the lady from Bones to track down where all the horse bodies are buried. Neither one seems likely to happen anytime soon.

#1. We’re Probably All Contaminated Already

Even after a dozen European countries got involved in the investigation, the horse meat scandal is hardly front page news anymore. The duplicitous meat showed up in Tesco, the third-largest retailer in the world, and people are still going there to buy beef. To compare, would Americans stop buying food from Walmart if we knew horse meat was being sold there as hamburgers? We can’t type “no” hard enough. Millions have probably eaten horse meat by now.

Now imagine that the horse meat had been laced with whatever rapidly mutating zombie virus Banana Sandwich stole from his manager’s office. A huge chunk of the population would already be infected with shambling corpse disease, and it wouldn’t take long before they ate/infected twice as many more.

Hence, horsemeat = zombie outbreak = we are all screwed.

Enjoy your day.

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22 replies »

    • I hear you Lynette.

      Today I received an email from Racehorse Rescue Centre in England saying that the Red Lion Abattoir (French for slaughterhouse as if that disguises the dirty, ugly reality) has been CLOSED DOWN by the Food Standards Agency. Apparently there has been quite a scandal from a video that showed a horse recovering from being stunned just before its throat was slit (earlier this year?). Also, three horses at a time were being murdered in a pen at once. You can see this gruesome place from on-line articles by googling Red Lion Abattoir. They also have a disgusting Facebook page.

      Thank God most states still have not passed AgGags or video tapping/photographing animal abuse would be illegal and the whistle blowers would to jail. The legislation each state is trying to pass is call “Right to Farm” or something similar. If that sounds familiar, it is what the Farm Bureau used as a slogan in Oklahoma to get the horse slaughter ban passed.

      The American Legislative Economic Council (ALEC) represents large Agri-slaughter corporations such as Tyson and Hormel. They are funded by wealthy corporations, spearheaded by the Koch brothers – David and Charles, oilmen. They do not want to see environmental laws passed in states so their extremely large and powerful lobby writes state legislation that they give to the legislators they “own” by virtue of being bought an paid for by large campaign donations and promises of lucrative employment after leaving “service.” This legislation – almost identical in every state – is then enacted by their paid puppets.

      All agri-slaughter fouls our air, groundwater, and soil. Horse slaughter, as demonstrated by the slaughterhouses in Kaufman, TX, is no exception. Animal waste causes more polutants than auto emissions. ALEC is interested in seeing horse slaughter reintroduced, especially in “Right to Farm” and “Right to Work (for less)” states where their grisly trade can flourish in darkness.

      As for us becoming a zombie nation, you are right R.T. The dumbing down of education and the failure (or fear) to look/investigate into who is benefiting from horrors such as horse slaughter indeed is making us a “zombie nation.” The virus is ignorance.

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  1. In TWDead S1 E1 – Rick rides into town and promptly gets attacked by Walkers with the horse going down, devoured alive…..very graphic scene, but not far from the same horrendous graphic and cruel scenes that happen every day to our American horses in the slaughter pipeline.

    Clever article and one where all Zombie fans will see the immediate correlation

    Walkers/Meat Puppets, the whole lot of ’em

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  2. This reminds me of a comment from a gentleman who raises cattle on a tractor forum my husband frequents – a few years ago. He stated that for cattle to be labeled grass fed the cow only had to eat grass 30 days in it’s life-that could be the beginning,end or middle of it’s life-and even more telling he stated he raised cattle for his family differently and he would never feed his family cattle he raised for sale. Now I know most people here know many of these things, but in reference to zombies, just think what they already do to our food—they genetically modify food using chemical poison fertilizers, herbicides, pesticides and other dangerous growing methods. Food is ripened with poisonous gas, injected with chemical preservatives and flavoring agents, eradiated, pasteurized, bathed in poisonous chlorine baths, bovine growth hormone and antibiotics injected into meat, poultry, and dairy products, man made trans fats such as hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils, flavor enhancers, such as monosodium glutamate, artificial sweeteners such as aspartane (NutraSweet) and sucrolos(Splenda)(they now want to add these sugars to milk products) , man made sugars such as high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, dextrose, sucrose, fructose, highly refined white sugar, and over 15,000 chemicals that are added to every product you buy, psateurization is now done on virtually every product in a bottle or carton, homogenization and irradiation which is done to over 50% of all food products.
    Food is produced in an unatural, abnormal way, food is not grown or raised anymore — it is manufactured! And not counting out the fact that I personally believe that there already is horsemeat in our food supply here in America.
    ~~Zombie Outbreak~~I can already see it~~Yes, we are so screwed.

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    • This is all about Greed and pure stupidity allowing suppliers to dictate a cheaper way to supply GMO food products and no concern for human health, why would they care about Horse’s being Slaughtered and fed to people????

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    • Geri-
      I also read this and now I can’t find where I read it so if you or your husband have this information regarding 30-days on grass – please post it and thank you.
      “…stated that for cattle to be labeled grass fed the cow only had to eat grass 30 days in it’s life-that could be the beginning,end or middle of it’s life…”

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      • grandmagregg-

        This was on a tractor forum that my husband is on, called Yesterdays Tractors (he rebuilds old Ford tractors). An off topic was about cattle, this was a couple of years ago, but it has stuck with me and has caused me to investigate my food a whole lot more. It was by someone that raises cows and who must also do tractor restoration. And like R.T.’s site, the information is still there but the posting is somewhere in the archives. That is the only place that I have heard about the 30 days myself, since I do not personally know any cattle people.

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      • Thank you Geri, when I “get a minute” I will look for that information again. I know I read it somewhere … and find it very interesting and in my mind deceptive to the public.

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    • Geri – the “cancer cocktail” you described in our foods is well documented. If people would only read, or at least watch a few documents such as “Knives Over Forks” “Food Inc” “Super Size Me” “Fast Food Nation” etc. they would be a bit more enlightened. I believe the farmer would not feed his family what he sells. He, like my husband, a college Ag Instructor, knows too much about that “industry.”

      We are not screwed if we take responsibility for ourselves and our family’s lives. The family may resist because they are addicted to the taste and are conditioned from advertising to buy “fast, cheap, and easy.” Still, persist. Buy organic produce and introduce your family to fresh, natural, home cooked food. There are great meat substitutes or learn to cook tofu. We eat too much protein as evidenced by our nation’s obesity.

      One thing you didn’t mention was that cattle are often fed an animal “meal” product during the fattening stage. That is unnatural for cows, who are herbivores. That “meal” can even contain their own species in the form of slaughtered and grounded up calves in addition to other animal/animal parts. This has been a suspected cause of “mad cow disease.” Soylent Green for cows.

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      • And lets not forget the all natural lies -dairy, ag, meat have lobbyed USDA and FDA to label items all natural just to sell more and are the same as any regular item. Even organic is allowed to add some 300 ingredients that they do not have to list.
        I have done a lot of research on my own and yes I do not buy any item from a bottle, can, or jar, unless it states it is 100% organic. I have gone back to the old fasioned way of do it yourself(as much as possible) and when you do organic make sure that every ingredient in that item states that it is 100% organic, if it does not say 100% they could have one of those 300 ingredients that do not have to be labled.

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      • Let me add to my below comment always buy raw and unpasturized. those things have not been heated to the 160 degrees to kill all the living organizms in the food.

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      • Yep. Processed foods should be 100% organic if you are going to buy and use them. As for produce, if you did not grow it yourself, the next best thing is to know the farmer/vendor and ask how they deal with pests. Farmer’s Markets are great for giving information about their products. If you are buying from a grocery store and the fruit or vegetable doesn’t have a thick peel – such as bananas – then buy organic. Celery should ALWAYS be organic.

        We don’t eat dairy. The soy, almond, & rice milks and products (like So Delicious frozen desserts, etc.) are organic – not GMO.We use Earth Balance for a margarine spread.These types of processed products are becoming more available in chain stores. Of course stores such as Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck) have these higher end items, but my local Safeway is also getting them now.

        We, as consumers, still have some influence over these corporations that would have us be their brain-dead zombies. Collectively, the 80% against horse slaughter can stop this madness if we organize and work together.

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  3. This guy does not pull punches. And really what else do you fight the self righteous “its my property” deadheads?

    And isn’t it something else that we, protectors of the horses and burros have pushed pushed and pushed more enough to cause this cutting of meat to be a world renowned issue? Don’t forget to make your calls today.

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  4. Food for thought! Eeew! Fiction? Speaking of contaminated food, it reminds of a time waiting for a coworker to clock out for lunch. We both worked at a local well known grocery chain. She was in the deli and was in a hurry to get that veggie salad completed and set up into the deli case by the deadline before clocking out. As we sat on our lunch break together I pointed out her thumb was bleeding. “What happened to your thumb?” I asked. Laughing hysterically she replied, “OH my acrylic thumbnail broke off in the salad I was making… I couldn’t find it, so it is still in the salad!” She was always so happy and cheery! I can’t remember if she was the same coworker that also had a heck of a time getting rid of her fingernail fungus. No, I remember now, that was a different gal. A food server down at the popular restaurant I used to cashier for. I couldn’t figure out how she maintained fungus growth when her hands were always in lemon juice! She was responsible for slicing the lemons every day for the garnish on meals and iced tea! Her hands touched every lemon served on a daily basis! I always thought fresh lemon promoted squeaky clean surfaces but she said she was getting the fungus from her nail salon anyway. Well it just goes to show, you don’t only have to P*** off a food server to have your food contaminated, many of them are happily doing it everyday as a common practice. Maddening isn’t it? Sorry, I too couldn’t resist! 🙂
    P.S. Still keeping hope for our equine by standing against horse slaughter and wild horse roundups!! Good day everyone!

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    • WOW…This is as scarry as it gets. It just goes to show you, you can’t trust anyone..We wonder why people are coming down with weird illnesses and the anti-biotics not working..I often commented about the children getting fatter and coming down with diabietes…I don’t think its as much of the life style as it is the contamination of the food sources people consume. I am glad I don’t consume meat anymore,,,its so disgusting. Even the vegetables are not very good..I don’t ever remember tomatoes looking so anemic as they do now. Yet the publci accepts these vegetables that are not even ripe. Gassed to force them to ripen on the way to store..Why do some people except this. I refuse to buy any of this trageic looking food. And yet the USDA tells us the food is safe…The large corporations and factory farms are trying to stop us from speaking out..I will get arrested before I stop protesting… One of these days the wands are really going to be lighting up at the airport with all the chemicals people are consuming..

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    • LOL. You mean have they been tarred and feathered? No recalls that I have heard about. It looks like Oklahomans will replace some of them in the next election cycles. Depends on whether they have been “good ‘ol boys or good ‘ol girls” to the special interests that write their (campaign) checks.

      Like

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