The Force of the Horse

SFTHH Feel Good Sunday

by R.T. Fitch ~ president of Wild Horse Freedom Federation

Howdy gang, it’s feel good Sunday as Terry and I are in upstate New York participating in the Equine Advocates Summit Against Horse Slaughter.  Although the topic is painful we have heard a LOT of Good News with the first day of the session now completed.  Local news coverage has been extensive and there is a blurb in the Wall Street Journal for your review if you click (HERE).

Likewise to learn more of the agenda visit Equine Advocates by clicking (HERE).  Equine Advocates will have all of the presentation videos up online within the next 10 days for you to review and trust me, the bulk of what you will see and hear is outstanding.

Now for play time, it is Sunday, we all need a laugh and one of our most avid readers sent something to me that had me rolling on the floor and laughing so loud that I managed to wake up Terry, this morning.  This little bit is not about horses, nor is it written by me but I have done something similar when testing an “Invisible Fence” electrified collar for our German Shepherds so I relate, big-time.

So stay tuned and enjoy your day, on to the laughs:

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taser_generic_head_on“Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home… I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE… !!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet and my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

PS: My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!”

27 replies »

  1. Ah, hah hah! RT … you made my day … what a laugh! I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight. Thanks for sharing this … brave man!

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  2. Thanks, RT…definitely funny.

    I look forward to the great info from the conference. Thanks to all that attend….the WSJ article was short, but the good news is WSJ didn’t use the term “animal rights”….yeah!!!!!

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  3. I can’t imagine voices more persuasive than yourself, Ginger, Vickery, John H., and all the others. So only good things can be expected…

    Now to all advocates…locate your nearest pawn or gun store and buy a Tazer and a few AAA batteries. Next time you see one of your congressional leaders pop him/her in the backside. When they regain their senses step up to them and say “NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION…”

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  4. Omg !!!RT The funniest story i have heard in a long time !!!!!!!! Hehehehehehhehehehhehehehh poor man !!!!!!A little advice next time try it out on a Kill Buyer, but call me first want to be there !!!!!! Ive got good vibes for that one !!!!!!!! heheheheheh……….. Thank You RT I cant stop visualizing the scene !!!!!!!! Best Wishes for all who could attend !!!!

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  5. Thanks for this howling good gag!!!! I gave it to my “just turned 16” yrs. old son, Rhett. It is his brand of humour for sure—the birthday card we gave him showed what happens to a surfer when he farts in his wetsuit—-think, balloon-human……

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  6. I am so inspired and encouraged by this summit and all the intelligent and caring people involved that help to give us the tools and direction we need to ensure our success in our mission. The laugh was well appreciated, R.T. It does lessen the tension we’re all experiencing and is much needed. And I agree with the previous suggestions on how that tazer could come in real handy!!

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  7. VERY good one! And the picture in my mind of you “testing” the invisible fence was another good one! Thanks for feel good Sunday. I am so jealous of anyone who was fortunate enough to attend the summit in Chatham. Everyone that I admire was there. I’ll be interested to read more about it.

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  8. Here is a nice horsey feel good Sunday video… I love the narration and what is said is beautiful and worth a listen to as well as watching Tucker the Mustang who is a great representative of our captive, trained wild horses;

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  9. God! I really need that laugh! Thank you! The other side right now feels confident they are “winning”, they are starting to gloat, so keep in mind when one side or the other gets over-confident it’s usually the other side coming in.

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  10. If the cat could talk I’m sure she’d have said “don’t taze me bro” lol. I don’t know a lot about horses, but I like reading the feel good Sunday stories here

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  11. Ok, I know it’s Sunday but I have another quick note from my Grandfather’s letter’s, this one made me laugh until I cried. My grandpa always in defense of the horse, had apparently went to Washington in an effort to rally some help for the wild horse’s. He was writing a note’s to what he was going to address the cattle ranchers- this is how he addressed the serious nature of the cattle rancher’s stealing the land from the horse’s. And I quote,” Dear Sir, or Sirs, (I use that term loosely) I have traveled to Washington to address the serious nature of the issue of welfare ranching. I am concerned as are many people in the US that this is a dubious decision to rid our nation of the animals in order to process more cattle and make money off the animals no one person owns, leaving the financial gains to the person’s rounding up the horse’s themselves. I want to make it known for what it’s worth I am really angry about the fact the Cattle Ranchers are stating that the horses are making it difficult for their cattle to feed off the lands, they belong there. I am also really angry about the continual ranting from Cattle Ranchers located on the horse’s lands asserting that people are stealing their tax dollars by standing in line waiting for their food stamps. The same food stamps that are being used to currently feed needy children who are buying the same ranchers beef, milk, dairy products, cheese’s, and vegetables that pay for their fancy trucks, large farms, massive herds. I am angry because you are the same people who being hypocrites because you have your hand out standing in line to do your welfare ranching to make big money and get rid of the horse’s that reside there rent free. What makes you so worthy that you can collect the money from the foodstamps into your pockets from the groceries that you paid for with your tax dollars while not paying full cash rent value to graze your herds, and not being required to replant the grazing area’s due to your cattle destroying the land being rented? I am more angry that the completed circle leaves you with all the perks including the low rent, more cattle, more room to expand, collecting the money back from the country by high meat prices, dairy and other products you are continually raising costs on, including getting the lion share of the purchases from the food stamps redeemers, and still demanding more! If I were your Landlord, i’d say cough up part of the sales from the herd’s grazing the land, the royalities if you will would subsidize the low rental amount you pay, and reduce your herd size to accommodate the animals per land area, and request when a herd is reduced it stays there will the reduced numbers and contained increases only preapproved and regulated.” Note: Have grandma give her stern look, it will drive the point home, a strong silver haired woman, behind those glasses, definitely. Call home. I hope that they finally give me some answers, took alot of eggs to make this trip! Good night, Washington.

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  12. Great comments…I too wish that I could have taken part in the summit…It sounds like someone is finally figuring out that WE are NOT going away any time soon. I am still laughing about the tazer situation..I must confess, I too had a mishap with electricity…Did you ever try to go through a gate
    with the hot wire on top…I was in a rush…I opened the gate too without the hot wire being disconnected…I know the feeling of being hit by the electricity and being thrown done. The electricity
    pulsed through my body like I was made of nothing…Been there, done that!!!!!!!!!!! Again, I felt like I could not stop laughing..And we call ourselves intelligient!!!!! What a hoot!! It only confired just what was in the appliance…God job………I’m still laughing and will be passing this along to many.

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  13. Sorry about the last comment…I meant GOOD JOB…just maybe there is someone in a higher capacity that is helping us above working on this issue….Good night feeling very sleepyy.

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  14. Great visual image of self inflicted pain:) I loved it, and found myself thinking, would I try it out on myself, not going to happen:) Some things are best left to the imagination!

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  15. I related to this story as I did the same thing with the collar zapper for the dogs.

    I did not think it would be too bad.

    We had the line for the invisible fence at the back end of the barn so that the dogs could not get out of the barn and into the pasture, told Terry that it could not be too bad of a shock.

    So I put the collar in my right hand which I extended before me so I could drop it when I felt the buzz/jolt.

    I carefully walked towards the end of the barn with my outstretched hand as Terry, the horses and the two Shepherds watched.

    It began to buzz and tremble in my hand, not too bad…then when I got within about six feet of the exit to the pasture someone out of nowhere stabbed a scalding hot butcher knife into the palm of my right hand and before I could even react, or scream, the electrical impulse caused an involuntary reflex that caused my hand and lower right arm to jerk upwards with alarming speed and power driving the collar and shocking device straight through the center of my forehead which evidently knocked me backwards about 10 feet.

    I woke up with two dogs licking my face and Terry next to me on her hands and knees picking up what was left of my glasses minus the bridge which was firmly embedded in the bridge of my nose, between my eyes, where even today I wear a scar that is my badge of honor for being the idiot that wanted to test the invisible fence.

    It was the worse sucker punch I had ever received and I had delivered it…to myself.

    See, been there, done that, got the body damage…it is all very real.

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    • RT, I think it is a guy thing. We ladies are too suspicious. But how to adjust such an object so it would not have even more shocking affect on the dogs? I assume there was a way to tone this down? A person (or dog) could die… A scar is a small reminder of what seems to me to be a brush with a deadly object!

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  16. Without a doubt its a guy thing! At the very least, you probably did tone it down for the dogs I imagine. The buckskin mustang is something else – that gal spent a lot of time training him & apparently did it right.

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