HOUSTON – (SFTHH) How often do we take the time to peer under the stones and rocks that our horses kick up as we ride down the trail of the Internet Forest? Not too often as we are usually on a mission with a destination in mind. But the other day, I made the mistake of dismounting, kneeling and looked down at a squirming, slimy life form that I should have ridden past. That little bug-eyed monster was one Ira Scott, the pride of Indiana and the alleged “inventor” of Road Kill Pizza.
Ole Ira has been kicking around the internet since, at the least, 2006 promoting a brilliant concept that must have taken either a lot of booze or wacky tabaccy to spawn, or hurl, the ”Road Kill Pizza”.
“12-18-2006 Merrillville , IN – An Indiana man hopes to market a new line of literal roadkill pizza where the toppings would be scooped out of the remains the animals killed in road. Named as Roadkill Frozen Pizza, inventor Ira Scott is literally on-the-road picking up roadkill and making frozen pizza pies out of highway flattened critters.”
Yup, if you dig deep enough you can find offbeat news stories about Ira being the “inventor” of a new type of frozen pizza that has killed and flattened animals as the main ingredient. Ira brags that he has tried these perverted pizzas out on his unsuspecting college buddies with great results. (This speaks to age, maturity level and intellectual capabilities)
“Though still under development, Scott tried his unique highway pizza concept out on his college friends without letting them know. To his surprise they loved it, which encouraged him to do it for real.
“The type of animals you accidentally run over while driving your car determines the flavor profile of your pizza, it’s the ultimate mystery meat lover’s experience,” said Scott.
“Toppings differ only by the geographical region, alligator in Florida or armadillo in Texas and perhaps flattened ground hog in Pennsylvania.” explained Scott.”
But these old, offbeat stories weren’t enough for Scott as he released a story, last week, that his latest, putrid pizza is a Super Bowl special that is made up of the opposing teams’ mascots; on one side for the Colts and shrimp and other Cajun delectable’s on the other for the Saints. And if that is not enough, the connoisseur of dead animals says that the pizza will dictate the winner, in this case, the delicious horse meat means that the Colts will win. “The Pizza never lies.”
Ira confirmed, with one of our reporters, that he special ordered the horse meat all the way from France as it is illegal in the U.S.. What Ira doesn’t seem to know is that the EU and Canada are imposing new restrictions on horse meat for human consumption because horse meat is known to be tainted with carcinogenic drugs as horses are not considered to be food animals in civilized, western cultures. So ole Ira might not be with us much longer; his demise (and that of his college buddies) might be the very grotesque pizzas that they claim to “invent”.
During the interview Ira was more than glad to discuss in detail the ingredients of his Road Kill Super Bowl pizza and disclosed the fact that the horse meat he allegedly uses is in the form of jerky. So it does not take too many brain cells to deduce that, perhaps, the biggest Jerky is not what is found on the pizza but, instead, the one who claims to make it.
Go away Ira, both you and your pizza make us sick.