Horse News

The Unwanted Puffball Coalition

Satire by Jerry Finch ~President of Habitat for Horses

“The mission of the Unwanted Puffball Coalition is to reduce the number of unwanted fluffy white dogs (Puffballs) and to improve their welfare by education, buying politicians and planting false stories in the press, combined with the efforts of organizations who say publicly that they are committed to the health, safety, and responsible care but are really interested in the profitable disposition of these creatures.”

The Unwanted PuffballOur coalition has been formed by a large group of concerned puffball organizations that have come together to do whatever we can to help solve the crisis situation we currently face with too many of these darling animals. Most Americans are unaware (but never fear, we’re going to make you aware!) of the vast numbers of puffball dogs wandering the streets of America.

The Problem:

Known FACTS: (Note: some animal rights extremist may dispute these facts, but we have the TRUTH on our side, plus a LOT of money, politicians, lobbyists and media representatives that will print anything we say, so ignore them and believe us.)

While little white puffball dogs helped settle the west, they are no longer useful and are an economic burden on our society.

  1. Result of Uncontrolled Breeding

    Puffball dogs breed uncontrollably and can multiply by 3000% in less than a year, thus overrunning backyards and small kitchens. Our beloved parent organization, The American Puffball Association, supports controlled breeding and proper handling of excess puffballs.

  2. The cost of maintaining puffball dogs has tripled in the last year because of the severe lack of professional groomers. Large numbers of puffballs have been seen with unpolished nails.
  3. The cost of puffball food has gone through the roof.

Cast aside - starving, cold, poorly groomed

With the terrible shape of our economy, once happy puffball owners have become desperate, choosing to buy Godiva chocolates and wine rather than pay for proper grooming, leaving sick, diseased and old puffball dogs to starve! In addition, reports are coming in from all over the country of unwanted puffball dogs being dumped, left to wander through condominium lobbies and malls.

Solution:

The American Puffball Veterinarian Association recommends euthanizing unwanted Puffballs as the best way to control the current crisis. Fortunately, Congress has approved establishing processing facilities where, under the watchful eye of an United States Government Inspector, and carefully following the strict guidelines set forth in “The American Puffball Slaughter Act,” these darling animals can gently slip into an eternal sleep and their remains shipped overseas to the starving diners in various Chinese restaurants.

Join us as we refuse to listen to the rantings of intelligent people and do what we dang well please. The ONLY reason we are here is to HELP you through the crisis of UNWANTED PUFFBALLS. Trust us! We wear white cowboy hats!

—————————

“Don’t do anything remotely truthful because the truth is so against your view that it’s important to develop a new truth to create a fiction.” – Jim Cramer on market manipulation.

“There is no end to the lies, deceit and twisted public manipulation by those who profit from the slaughter of horses.” – Jerry Finch, ex-cowboy who refuses to accept  the theory of “unwanted horses.”

Click (HERE) to visit Jerry’s blog

17 replies »

  1. You forgot to say that the overpopulation of wild puffball dogs are rooting around and messing up the water supply and grazing areas of twenty zillion privately owned chickens, thus hazzarding the markatable food source of chickens to the American people. That’s another reason why the puffballs have to be rounded up, tortured, starved, trucked across the country, slaughtered and sent to China – at taxpayer expense of course. But please, keep breeding millions of domestic puffballs so the drama can continue.

    (I just love use of sarcasm and satire to make a point! Well done Jerry!!! Sadly, some folks don’t have a clue and won’t “get it”. Oh well… it’s their loss.)

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  2. They followed me home! I tripped at the doorway and I can’t reach the key hole!! I am buried in puffball dogs! They are warm.. maybe we will survive till the sun comes up!

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  3. So well said, but you know some people will still not get it. The lies continue as the Monsters of Slaughter continue their crusade as we continue our crusade to stop horses from being slaughtered here or being shipped any where to be slaughtered. I have some literature from the Animal Welfare Institute on the slaughter of horses that I just might pass out at the show when War Horse opens. Let them see what could have happened to this horse had he not become a movie star. I will say at some of the tracks people are trying to save them by leaving open stalls if the horse is not wanted. They have had some fund raisers as well. People do not realize that one very successful race horse may come out of 30,000 babies (mostly colts). It would be interesting to get the stats on all foals born in each state over the course of the year. I bet its more than we thought. Although some breeders other than the Quarterhorse people have breed less mares. At any rate how could you breed a mare and not have any feelings for her or her new born foal? I simply call them heartless b———-. I would love to see the Legislators face when this horse is slaughtered. Just Disgusting!!! But it happens more than we know. I have a friend who is a police officer and he said he will stop any truck carrying horses and if just one thing is not in order, the driver is in big time trouble. I heard that in one state they confiscated the whole truck load and they became wards of the state. I did hear that they were then taken to a number of rescues until they could be adopted. I am sick of the Monsters of Slaughter claiming that there is no solution. Unless you are an educated horse person, people believe what they hear. They don’t disinguish from fact or fiction. And that’s why we all need to flood Face Book, Tweeter and any other means of correspondence with the truth.

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    • Gail, it is far less than I thought. You can find the stats on the Jockey Club or Blood horse site. Last year only 4500 mares were bred. TBs do not use AI, only live cover. That does cut down on the breeding.

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  4. Now, not only are there people going after wild horses and burros, unwanted domesticated horses, but now they are after beautiful little puffball dogs. It’s so disgusting. I’d take a puffball in a minute – but I haven’t seen any in my area. I wish I could mericulously get rich over night and the plight of the wild horses would be over as well as the unwanted dogs and cats. This would put an end to all our beautiful animals God as given us as companions that have become a D___ humans unwanted animals. I hope that all that have anything to do with killing these animals get their just rewards in HELL>

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  5. http://www.americanhumane.org/animals/stop-animal-abuse/fact-sheets/animal-shelter-euthanasia.html

    Been to a shelter lately? I just adopted a dog from Animal Control.

    4 buildings at just one of several shelters, 16 cages per building, 4 to 7 dogs in every 3 b 4 cage. Matted pain filled bodies and tails wagging for every tiny ounce of attention to be gleened from passer bys. Over 60% will be euthanized within 2 weeks to make room for more.

    A very special Merry Christmas to the souls who work and VOLUNTEER at the shelters doing what they can (for profit?) – and go home crying every day.

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  6. Man, I would’ve gone after Portugese Water Dogs–useless invasives, without passports, favored by DC politicians,have webbed feet for swimming across the Atlantic,cost a fortune to groom……. (waiting for the FBI at my door)….. Oh–Obama kept that promise to his daughters, didn’t he, because every one was Watching–and broke the one he made about the ban on horse slaughter… Yes Mr. Pres.–we are still Watching–coal in your stocking… SAVE HORSES–BUTE “EM !

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  7. FWIW, I heard it’s not only the WHITE puffballs! They want to slaughter all puffballs! Keep your puffballs inside. They could be stolen for harvest.

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  8. I am hear ta tell ya dat I R one happie campr to seen dis groop put togetr as I tink it is well pass der time to get dees feral pufferballs undr der contrl. Day has been a blight to da west since my great gran daddie Big Red comed across der praire whif his bride Ophelia and der litle boy, Acken. Such tragadie dees wild pufferballs bring to da Hinney famly.

    It were bac in der tern ob da centry wen Big Red Hinney deside to bring his famly to da west. O, it hurts ta tink o it fo show. Granpa Big Red built da cabn on der prary for Ophelia HInney and der Acken HInney, it wer a modst plase. One ebning while dey was eatn der diner da grond beguns ta shaken.

    Acken looks up from hes plate and says, “What da Fitch es dat, Paw?” (Dis es wear WTF cumes frum today)

    Gran Pa Big Red says back to his little Acken Hinney, “I tinks I needs to go takes da look” so he runs outside an seas a big cloud o da dust comin i da east. Sew he climbs up da windmile to sees wat es a comin towerds da Hinney Farm and low da beholden et es der entire hurd uf de wild pufferballs n dey is muven fast. Gran Pa Hinney he hollers to da whife and chil to comes a runnen to da windermile ta safty butt de nonly makes et haf da wei kross da farmyard wen da puffeballs cuvers dem up en da cloud of da dust. Da only sound dat Gran Pa cans heer is da tunder ob leetle wite paws on der prary floor, et was so pitiful.

    An wen der heard of da pufferballs distapeers der es nuffing left ob his famly, only ittsy bittsy pufferball turds and a fue collers, Gran Pa es so sad dat he left da farm and wnt back to da east to open up da Hinney Winery an ta drown hes pane en der grape juices. Ta dis day, da Hinney family cracks da bottle of der whine open each time dey hears of da pufferballs. Wee talks of dis a lot ass u can tells.

    Eye says two puts der end to dis wild pufferballs and ta makes da monie while it goes…I hates dim to da bottum of my whine botle, dey gots ta go.

    Dis es buy da Thor Hinney

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  9. Thor Hinney? The same Thor Hinney who came up with the “HInney Lick” Maneuver? BOY, are you ever needed here! There’s been enough propaganda propagated to choke a Horse.

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  10. I have heard that the Puffballs have 1 quarter % Pitbull in them and therefore are dangerous dogs,therefore could kill us Perfect humans.
    Are there no Cowardly,Useless Politicos out there that are desperate for a few votes that will protect us from this Pandemic.Bring in BSL.

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